Hebrides Girl

Mistakes.

Ugh.

We’ve all been there, done that, bought the clean tshirt and then spilled our dinner down the front of it ten minutes later.

I often find myself taking a wrong turn down Memory Lane and beating myself up for various mistakes I’ve made in my 25-and-a-half years…some of them so long ago that the sting is less painful now, and others where I wonder if the feelings of shame and embarrassment will ever go away.

But, of course, they will.

Twenty years down the line, I might have my own children and it may well be my turn to help guide them through the madness of life and comfort them in their pain, whether self-inflicted or because life just does that to us sometimes.

I have plenty stories to pass on to my kids of how I messed up, said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing, wronged the wrong person at the wrong time and ended up with the emotional scars to prove it. I won’t be able to take away their pain or their shame or their heartache – all I can do is offer the same unconditional love that my parents showed me. And wait patiently for them to “get over it”!

Through all of our mistakes, our screw-ups, our bad decisions and our wrong turnings, there has to be something that keeps us from retreating into a black hole of bitterness and despair. And for me, that thing is HOPE.

Hope that I am capable of being a better person.

Hope that I can learn from the mistakes I have made in the past.

Hope that I will one day look back and see more success than failure.

There is always hope and hope will always keep us going. Through the good, the bad and the ugly. And it can get pretty ugly out there sometimes.

But at the end of the day, our mistakes have moulded and shaped us and made us who we are today. Our mistakes have led us to the people in our lives and sometimes even tested their faithfulness. This road of life, broken up with potholes and hiccups and bumps, has brought me to this very point I am at now. And I’m ok with that.

If you don’t like where you are at right now – don’t panic. Tomorrow will bring another torrent of endless possibilities…and probably even more mistakes. Who knows where you will be 6 months from now, or even 6 years. The important thing is to appreciate all the ups and downs for simply what they are – another step in the broken road that is making its way slowly but surely towards the person that you are becoming.

It is up to you who that person will be.

♥

If you have a spare 4 minutes amidst the craziness of life this weekend, here is a song for your listening pleasure. God bless the broken road.

Hello interweb friends!

It’s been a while since I last graced your screen with my presence but things have been a little crazy round here lately. In case you’re interested, three of the major life events that have taken place are:

1) I got engaged! My best friend and partner-in-crime asked me to marry him and I said YES. Oh and it turns out he has absolutely cracking taste in jewellery…just sayin’

2) I am going to be an aunt! My favourite brother and his beautiful girlfriend are having a baby in August. I am so very happy for them and hugely excited about having a little ‘un to spoil rotten. Only a tiny bit miffed that my little (taller) brother has beaten me to making the oldies grandparents BUT having a baby niece or nephew at our wedding will more than make up for that.

3) I moved home. Long story. But to cut it short, I am back living with my amazing parents in my favourite little village in the world. It’s only for a few months and the next time I move out, it’ll be to get married!!

Somehow, amongst all that excitement, I managed to complete a huuuuge project at work in my ongoing quest for the elusive accounting qualification I’ve been working towards. I am finally an Accounting Technician! Don’t ask me what that means because I’m not entirely sure – all I know is that I can put the letters MAAT after my name. Sounds impressive but am I an accountant yet? Of course not…that would require yet another 3 years (minimum) of trying to study in between work, church and my thriving social life (haha). Decisions, decisions…but for now, I have a wedding to plan!

So I am really just here to say hello, stick my head above the parapet (albeit briefly) and let you all know that I am still around and have many more posts brewing for your enjoyment, amusement or frustration – you choose!

Till next time…

Religious.

If I had a penny for every time I heard that word banded about, I would be a very rich lassie. It’s one of those words that have shifted over the years, subtly but resolutely, from their original meaning to something more sinister and ugly.

Sometimes the word “religious” is simply used by a non-Christian about a churchgoer or someone who is “good-living”. Fair enough. Occasionally it is an adjective used to describe a service or a place. Fair enough. If those people weren’t using that word, they would be using something else…and it may well be something a lot worse. Am I bothered? Not a bit!

However…what really gets my goat, burns my bacon and makes me want to stuff my own fist in my mouth while biting down hard is when Christians use that word as a criticism and even insult of other Christians.

“Oh he’s so religious” or “that’s a load of religious hogwash” or “don’t mind them, they’re just so religious they can’t see past their own noses”.

YES, the Pharisee mindset is still very present in the church today, and NO, that is not a good thing. But once again, the masses have grabbed hold of one word that they think epitomises an entire attitude and used it to label every person, organisation and mindset that seems a little too austere for their own personal taste.

The one-size-fits-all paintbrush strikes again. A little judgemental, don’t you think? (Oh, don’t even get me started on the word “judgemental”…! )

But what does the Bible say about religion?

“If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.” James 1:26-27

Maybe it’s just me but the Bible (especially the New Testament) seems to place a whole lot of emphasis on showing LOVE, HOPE and MERCY to one another. As for judgement and condemnation? Not so much.

There are four books of the Bible entirely devoted to Jesus’ life and ministry, and the only people I see Him get really angry with are those who spent their time criticising, accusing, and pointing fingers at others. (Oh…and those who disrespected and devalued the House of God – apparently Jesus did care about Church. Go figure! )

Being judgemental and self-righteous doesn’t apply only when you are targeting a certain type of sinner. Oh no! Self-righteousness is an attitude that raises its ugly head within the most liberal of circles, as well as among the hard-line old-timers.

The conservative Christian judges the liberal for what they see as a laid back, half-hearted approach to the Gospel. The liberal judges the conservative for being too staid and rigid and unwelcoming. The inbetweener judges them both while patting himself on the back for having found the happy medium. Or is he just lukewarm…?

I am so tired of watching Christians from all camps flinging mud over the fence at one another, wasting valuable time on friendly fire and giving the rest of the world yet another reason to run a mile in the opposite direction. Yes, I have been guilty myself, and of that I am truly ashamed!

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.” James 1:19-21

The point is, nobody is perfect. There is no perfect denomination, no perfect organisation and no perfect Christian. Most people will admit to their own imperfections but sadly, our response is often to point out the imperfections of others in order to distract from our own.

But not God.

The God I believe in, the God I have read about, the God I have experienced in my life and the God I have seen at work in the life of others…He is not about pointing out imperfections. He doesn’t have to. His utter perfection and sheer goodness illuminate the all-too-obvious flaws in my life, my attitudes, and my character. There is no hiding my imperfections in that light! And yet, He loves me anyway and His love covers me beautifully and blamelessly until the blemish is dealt with.

So why would I attempt to point out someone else’s shortcomings in any other way?!

It’s not about pretending that the imperfections are not there. It’s not even about kidding ourselves that God doesn’t care about sin anymore. It’s about balancing that in-built desire for truth and justice with a healthy dose of the love, grace and mercy that we enjoy from God every second of every minute of every day.

And at the end of the day, what it all boils down to is L O V E.

God is love.

Not a Pharisee. Not a finger-pointer. Not an accuser. Not a self-righteous, Sabbath-keeping Presbyterian or a self-centred church-defying Charismatic.

You either show love or you don’t.

You can practice love or you can just preach it.

To find someone who really practices unconditional love is a rare but beautiful experience. If you find it, savour it. Enjoy it. And learn from it.

Because that’s who Jesus was. That’s who Jesus is. And that’s who Jesus will always be.

I don’t want to be preachy or wacky or liberal or even “religious”.

I just want to be like Jesus.

Are you in?

First things first: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! A little late, I know, but this year took off like they all do these days – with crazy, hectic, ninety-mile-an-hour madness!

Can you believe it’s 2012 already? Remember when Great Britain won the bid for the 2012 Olympics? Remember thinking how far away that seemed and how long it would take to arrive?

Well, here we are. Whether you sailed through the past year on a cloud of success and happiness or you got here on a wing and a prayer, we are all still here nevertheless.

For me, 2011 was a year of some big changes. I moved out of my parents’ house permanently, unexpectedly acquired a boyfriend in the form of one of my best friends, sold my first three photographs and grew four inches taller. (Ok, so that last one was wishful thinking.)

“My faith”, or whatever you want to label it, has been through the mill in the last 12 months too. I have spent weeks and weeks in wilful indifference, with my head firmly buried in the sand, hoping that something, somewhere, would snap me out of it and push me in one direction or the other. In between those long periods of simply going through the motions, there have been moments of utter hopelessness and frustration and moments of unexplainable joy and excitement.

I completed a five day fast – yes, from food! – mainly because our church had called it and I felt I would be letting the side down if I didn’t join in. I went through an entire week hungry and tired, with a sore head and bad breath – a completely pointless exercise and just to please other people, or so it seemed at the time. Yet, when our church came together at the end of the week for a night of prayer and praise, I was suddenly filled with an immense excitement and happiness about…well…everything. It was almost as if the fasting had been worth it after all and, just for a few hours, it all seemed to make sense again.

So how does one find balance along this roller-coaster of a life? There must be a happy medium – and I don’t mean chugging through your days and nights pretending that everything is hunky dory, living for the occasional moment that makes it worthwhile. (Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and paid for it with time wasted.)

In a semi-controversial blog post last year, I used the words “tired of being different and yet tired of being the same”. I can only be honest with you: I am constantly torn between my desire to fit in and be accepted, and that deeper level in me that has been designed to believe that there is something bigger, something wilder, something different that I can be a part of.

But is there a big picture? Is there really a Plan?

Of course there is. All I need to do is look around, listen to a few people, recall a few memories and I know without a shadow of a doubt that God HAS to be real. He HAS to be out there. And He has to have a plan. Because, to be honest, the world has gone mad.

I don’t know how the plan works, I don’t know where I fit in, and I don’t know how to silence that little piece of my heart that longs to be a “normal” girl with “normal” friends who does “normal” things with her weekend.

But I do know this: I have a purpose. I have a destiny. I have a hope. And if that doesn’t get me up in the morning then I don’t know what will.

Maybe my destiny really is to be walked out on a little island, in a little church that is so different in expression and personality to the religious community around it that many people view it as “weird”. Or maybe there is something else in store for me.

Either way, I can choose to embrace my destiny or run away from it. Something tells me that running away is futile and will only lead to regret and pain. History tells me that running with it can only lead to excitement, adventure and fulfilment, outweighing any pain and rejection that may be suffered along the way.

It may be a new year but we never have to wait for a new year in order to start afresh. Every day, every hour, every minute is an opportunity to change your perspective and begin walking in a new direction.

His mercies are new every morning.

So goodnight, folks. See you in the morning

Yesterday was Remembrance Day, a day when we remember and honour those who have laid down their lives for our freedom.

Does anyone else find it hard to relate to the fact that hundreds of thousands of men and women have died in order for us to live freely today? I know I do.

It can be difficult to put yourself in the position of a young soldier back in World War I, leaving home to defend his country and never being seen by his family and friends again.

It is hard enough for me to imagine someone close to me heading out for Afghanistan or Iraq today, without casting my mind back to something that happened almost a hundred years ago.

And yet it happens all the time.

Every week we hear tragic stories of young sons, husbands and fathers whose lives have been snuffed out long before their time, simply doing their job in an effort to protect and defend the liberty of those who are often unable to do so themselves.

We will never know all their names or read all their stories. But whether we agree with the war in Iraq or not, one thing is certain: the anonymous men and women who bravely go into these situations deserve our respect and our honour, regardless of the motives of those who sent them.

I wonder how much we truly value our freedom though? There are countless privileges we take for granted in our everyday lives that billions of people across the world can only dream of. And how many times have we been presented with opportunities to do something meaningful and have chosen not to, simply because we felt we did not have the time or it was not worth our effort?

I would hate to sit down and make a list of all the opportunities I have rejected, wasted or missed out on through fear, procrastination, and just plain laziness. I think it would be a similar feeling to discovering a winning lottery ticket in your back pocket – two days after the final claims date.

And so I won’t do it – because a life filled with regret is neither meaningful or worthwhile. But I will do something about it. Because I don’t want to reach eighty years old and still be wondering “what if”.

I turn 25 next week. That’s a quarter of a century. Depending on what stage you are at in life, some of you may think that is ancient, while others may be envious of my youth. I haven’t quite decided yet but one thing I am sure about – I am going to make the next 25 years count for more than the previous ones.

They may not write books about me and I may not win any Nobel Prizes (I don’t know why you’re laughing at that one) but I will make the most of my time on this earth and leave a legacy for those who come after me. I will make my life one to be remembered, even if only by my children and their children.

“If I can put one touch of rosy sunset
into the life of any man or woman,
I shall feel that I have worked with God.”
Gilbert K. Chesterton

And as for the nameless faces of those who have gone before us, securing our freedom for yet another day, a month, a year…

“They shall not grow old as we that are left grow old.
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.”
Laurence Binyon